Saturday, December 19, 2015

No one in the doll house was meant to be a newscaster.

Good morning, doll world. We have some very exciting news for you today. Of course, it's exciting every day! We aren't dead! We ate cereal! Oxygen and water continue to be the two most mandatory things for survival! Today's excitement includes: 
  • Yule is coming up on Monday and Christmas is coming up on Friday
  • Andie laughs and blushes whenever Rylan says something funny, which is one more reaction than what happens when Rylan usually says something funny, and two more reactions than the normal response to other stimuli like small talk and kleenex boxes and macaroni.
  • The light in the picture is fabulous.
  • I'm pretty sure Gwen is going to see the new Star Wars some time soon.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

A dramatic entrance for standard Gwen content. Enjoy

*strides into stage, cape billowing*
*boots clomp to halt in front of microphone. Cape swishes*
H E L L O,  P E O P L E  R E A D I  N G  T H I S
What war?
Oh. You're a tad over dramatic aren't you, Gwen?

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Tacos and Totoro

In a recent conversation with Donald The Local Fanboy, he mentioned that Twenty-One Pilots was having a concert and he couldn't go. "I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight, Gwen." He told me. "Not that that's unusual. But this time it's out of self pity instead of self loathing."
I made the usual noncommittal noise of acknowledgement with an ambiguous head waggle in response to this, but I did wonder about the self loathing.
I am sure that I am not the only one who lays awake at night remembering every rude, out of context, weird, insensitive, overly sensitive, misinterpretable remark or lack of remarks I had made that day. And the day before that. And the thing I said five years ago. And the things I can't quite do, the things I'm scared to do, the things I wish I could have done better, the awkward situations I wish had never happened. And future things that might happen and how doing things now can affect future things. And not doing things. These all seem like mild insecurities in the daylight, but at night when you cant fall asleep, they're all your fault and you're a horrible person and every person you've ever dealt with probably hates you.
Doing things.
Speaking to people.

Here's a taco to make us feel better.
If that didn't work, here's some Totoro:
Studio Ghibli Gifs

Here's a Totoro smile to brighten up your day! | Totoro | Miyazaki | Studio Ghibli

Studio Ghibli Gifs

If that didn't make you feel better, I don't know what to tell you.

After reading Night Vale Horoscopes, I decide I had better make my own. SO I went outside tonight and spoke with the stars. Here is what they say about you.

Aries: please ignore the fact that your dog is licking the floor. It's none of your business what happens between your dog and the floor.

Taurus: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. Today would be a good day to invest in bull repellent.

Gemini: You know what they say. You know what we think. When did you learn to read lips? Even more frightening, when did you gain the ability to read minds?

Cancer: You like listening to My Chemical Romance. Never heard of them? Don't like them? too bad. You love MCR.

Leo: Today is a good day to eat animal crackers and watch The Lion King. Avoid Finding Nemo.

Virgo: Gravity hates you. The law of conservation of matter hates you. We wouldn't recommend studying physics.

Libra: Watch Finding Nemo. Show it to Leo. Enjoy the effects.

Scorpio: nanananananananananananananananananananana nanannananananananananananananananananananananananana batman.

Sagittarius: You need new shoes.

Capricorn: Tell your Internet friends you love them. Pack your bags for a permanent stay in Reality. Health insurance is not included.

Aquarius: You will find the meaning of life inside the esophagus of the next person you accidentally kill. You will cry. You will tell no one of the knowledge you have gained. You will stare at the sky in agony. You will wait for the end to come. It doesn't.

Pisces: Cuss like a sailor. Swear like a rock star. Curse like an eccentric Latin professor calling down the Ancient Ones.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Goat Overlord Of The Universe: the full story

In earlier posts and in the comment boxes of at least three different people, I have mentioned that I am the Goat Overlord Of The Universe. You are no doubt wanting to know why this is. FEAR NOT! Your thirst for knowledge will be quenched. {quenched is a good word. Like splinched and wombat and guacamole}

Wednesday, December 2, 2015


My school has a Christmas tree. It's REAL! It smells like Christmas in the lunchroom.

hello, people who experience time!
I'm in an unreasonably good mood today, compared to the unreasonably bad mood I was in last week.
I'm taking advantage of this happy mood to make a happy post about HOLIDAYS!
Normally, in my cynical, negative mind, I avoid things like Christmas music and holiday cheer....UNTIL DECEMBER! And now December has arrived, so the Christmasing may commence.
Anyhow, I thought I could explain to you my various thanksgivings with my various relatives.
In the thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, Barrett (younger cousin) and I formed a cult. That is what we do for fun. Initiation to our cult involves saying the silliest thing you can think of with a completely straight face. The first person to laugh gets pepper sprinkled on their head. We are unsure of why this is.