Goggles Tatooine Ice ax Girl tells you a story in her own weird way

Good morning, everyone! Gwen couldn't be here, so for today's story I am standing is as the third person not-quite-omniscient-narrator. Actually, I'm talking in first person right now. Wait till I do third person! I can do funny voices if you like.

My name is Goggles Tatooine IceAxe Girl.

Only I don't know if im a girl. You can't really tell with Legos, can you? 

I seem to be wearing makeup and I am bald. I haven't got any idea what I'm doing here. 

But I will be getting paid, I know that much.

At least I've got my ice axe. This should be interesting. Especially if I have to fight any mutant bears.

Would you like me to get on with the story, then?

Yes, I thought so.

I'll have to warn you, they didn't give me a script. I'm just sitting here deciphering the pictures, which you could probably do yourself, but I won't let you because these story telling gigs are my only source of income besides mutant bear hunting.

Ok. So in this picture, we've got some snow and a sled dog team and a mini fig with a puffy hat. I'm just going to assume that they're going someplace important to do some science-y stuff 'cause they've got all the proper gear on their spaceship. Hang on, did I just say spaceship? I meant sled. Toboggan? Sleigh? Oh screw it. From here on in, it's a dog powered spaceship. On earth. In the snow. Yup, that makes total sense.

The sled dog team is coming around a lump of snow now, and Ima call this here dog team "Team Moon Moon" now, if that's all right with you.

Did you notice that they've all got little lights between the harnesses? That's so cute! I've got to go buy this set for myself sometime. Well now I'm off topic. And I'm not doing the third person thing like I promised. Is that ok? 'Cause I like it this way better.

Holy other of nachos! On this frozen lake Team MoonMoon is passing there's this larger than average rodent thing with the most malicious glint in it's eye. That's really freaky. Now that we have rodents with unknown and possibly malevolent intentions in mind, things are about to get ugly. Come on, stupid puffy hat driver person, get out of there! MUSH, TEAM MOONMOON

Ah, PuffyHead finally saw the mouse! Looks kinda freaked out. I'd use that ice ax, if I were him. (or her?). You'd best not take any chances with dangerous wildlife in this climate. Don't want to get eaten, no sir! 

HOLD UP.

that aint no mouse

What is it? Looks like some kind of derpy snail to me.

MUSH, TEAM MOONMOON! THE SNAIL HAS RABIES!

WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING? WHO WROTE THIS STORY? THIS IS INSANE!

So apparently an evil mouse morphed into a rabid snail which is now this...thing. It looks like a tauntaun with a dragon foot and a dragon wing instead of an arm.

this guy looks a tad deranged too. We're going to assume that he wants to eat them cause hes all wavin his dragon foot around in a firey rage and beating his singular dragon wing like RAAAAHHHR I WANNA EAT U, TEAM MOON MOON. U LOOK SO DELISH!

Ah yes they finally  had the sense to skedaddle it out of there! Team moon moon is doing a good job mushing.

And the deranged tauntaun dragon mutant hungry beast is chasing after them because obviously is cant poke a hole in the ice and eat a whale or something.

Can we just talk about how inefficient this creature is? Tauntauns have strong legs like kangaroos, I'm thinking, and would need light or small arms so they wouldn't get off balance and fall on their faces. The dragon leg is obviously not light or small. I don't even know what you're going to do with one wing. You don't want to mess up genetic modification.

I mean, Phineas and Ferb already showed us that changing from creature to creature has some bad consequences.

Team moon moon is speeding along as fast as their legs can carry them, and PuffyHead is getting scared. "I NEED BACKUP!" she (or he?) yells into the walkie talkie. behind her the mutant tauntaun is roaring hungirly.

In the next few miles with crazy tauntaun guy getting closer and closer. Just when things couldn't get any worse, a giant hook falls from the sky! Oh please. We must have displeased the arctic gods and now they are sending us plagues of tauntauns and random hooks falling from the sky. Really? A hook? you're going to take someone's eye out with that.

oh.

it's a hellicopter.

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS!!!! what are they thinking? If that isn't the most dangerous thing you've seen all day.

Well he just looks a little miffed.

Woah, what's happening here? I have two ideas. 1) it's one of those story-within-a-story things, or 

2) these are the arctic gods i mentioned, doling out plagues and such.

I'm so done.