Andie teaches you what to do with unwanted food

Today I was presented with this item here that is pertending to be food.

I can see past it's disguise and can definitely tell you it is one of those Cookies That Isn't Really Food.

This particular species of cookie is not really food, but fluffy, squishy, dry and tasteless bread topped with sugar slime from the Swamps of Confection.

 It looks so tiny and perfect. like a small cake.

So what shall we do? Not throw it away, no sir! We must toy with it like a cat who caught a mouse.

You know that we do with cakes in these parts, don't you?

We slice them *evil laughter*

*more crazed cackling that makes you glad you are on the other side of the screen*

Once we have sliced the cake/cookie thing of disgustingness,

we may examine it. 

nothing very interesting. Snickers bars have many more fascinating layers.

Once your unwanted food has been sufficently sliced, it is an appropriate time to commence stabbing.

You could pretend that it is the flesh of your greatest foe,

Or you may just spear the food and treat it like a baton for a while.

This is what it looks like after you have had harmless fun with a knife.

Now that everything is broken up and squishy, you should let your local mini skeleton horse walk around on it.

Sugar is very good for undead hooves.

You may want to try a little of the food, to make sure that it didn't have a sudden spike in worthiness after you mauled it. If said food is still unworthy of consumption, spit it out. Methods of spitting may differ depending on your company. If you are alone in your house with your dog, you can spit all over the place and be a weirdo. If you are with any people, though, you should be throwing unwanted food away and not playing with it. Pretending to be a normal human being is always your best bet.

This is indubitably something you should do while alone in your house with your dog.

In my opinion, smearing things all over your face is less fun than you think and more trouble than it's worth, but we do have to explore all possibilities for misusing food. Next week we'll burn it.

My favorite part is squishing it in my hands and making little snowballs.

That way you can throw them at people you don't like. Or do like. It doesn't matter.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LOOK AT THIS- HOW ARE YOU EVEN THE OLDER-"

Now would be a good time to throw.

"ow.

YOU THREW FOOD AT ME WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ARE YOU GOING TO CLEAN THIS UP?"

initiate plan Emergency Clean Up

Call the dog.

Bye everyone! Be careful with knives and distraught sisters!

~Andie