Thursday, March 19, 2015

The far side

Is one of my favorite comics. Mr Rush shows them to us we we can learn double meaning and other educational stuff, but only me and Colton seem to get it and find them highly amusing. It's painful how many kids say "I don't get it. That's stupid" But it's brilliant. I hope you find these as amusing as I do.












Do you have any humor that you want to share with me?

Gwen

Saturday, March 14, 2015

That story I never named and kinda forgot about part 4

Alrighty! Finally got this up from my phone to here. I seem to write avidly for a few days, then loose interest for weeks, until I discover It again. If you Can't remember the beginning, It is here (part one), here (part two) and here (part three). Remember this is a rough draft and you can up the awesomeness factor by giving me ideas, suggestions, and constructive criticism. And while you're at it, haw about helping me with a title?


Things were, in fact, brightening. 

The day dawned bright and clear, and the warm, wet smell of summer was in the air. Muscles were sore and the biggest scratches continued to bleed a bit, and the stench of the monsters from the previous day hung around them like a curtain. Over breakfast, Pythagoras realized the supply of sandwiches was running low, but he didn't worry. Instead , he turned back to his human charges and broke some good news: faeries.
 Lilly began to positively wriggle with delight.
"I've always wanted to see those!"
Pythagoras made a small "hrrm" noise and Andie's worry that had been lodged in her chest ever since the goat had told them about Ond's demons (not nearly so charming as Bartemaeus, Andie mused) began to act up. That noise did not sound promising. But her uneasiness soon left when Lilly began to chatter animatedly over everything she knew about fairies. Pythagoras corrected her here and there, and snorted at the fairies eat butterflies and poop rainbows nonsense.
The path they were walking on, wich had been fairly straight up to this point, began to curve and twist uphill. Bushes of salal grew along the sides of the path, and sunlight was poking through the cedar needles, making them blow light green. Morning mist was hanging in the little dips and valleys where birds flited and sang and the earth was soft beneath their feet. At the top of the hill, around 10:00, Andie peered over the edge of the cliff and saw unicorns and pegasi  grazing in the feild below, but they hadn't much time to sit and stare, let alone work their way down and make friends, so the party continued off to the right, where the path wandered along the ridge aways before veering down back in to the forest.
Before the day was out, they had reached the land of the faeries, and the sun was setting, casting orange light on the forest.
Pythagoras stepped in front of the girls and into a sort of tree cave. "Queen Xylia, you have company." He informed the forest at large.
The air before him shimmered and a winged lady stepped out of the nothingness. She had long auburn hair and and great purple butterfly wings that sprouted from her back. Her face was ageless and her very being was surrounded by an aura of power.
"I gathered as much. I could hear you crashing up here a mile off."She said stiffly, but then her regal manner dropped and she bent down to scratch the goat behind the horns. "But how are you, dear Pythagoras? It's been quite a while since we've met."
"Very fine, mam. Very proud too. These two girls I'm bringing with me to save Plante Trær  just vanquished two of Ond's demons back at the Long road. Impressive work, I say."
Andie smiled uncertainly at the praise and the rather awful (not to mention awkward and unprofessional) demon fighting experience.
Lilly tried very hard not to think about blood.
Xylia looked at them for the first time and said "oh, Aeolian!" And rushed to embrace Andie in a bear hug. And then she pulled away, red faced. "My apologies, Princess Andrea. You are nearly identical to your mother. She and I were the best of friends once." She looked caught between sad, embarrassed and too dignified to care. Brushing that off, she took a good look at Lilly. "What is this one called?" She asked.
 "Lilly." Answered she who was called Lilly.
"Ah yes, among my favorite flowers. You are the princess's friend?"
"Yes"
"I can see that. You are her rock. You will be a steady rock for her in the struggle to come?"
Lilly made a face that said What??? but Xylia was already off making plans for dinner.
"Now, after your adventure with Ond's little pets, you three look quite disheveled. Bathe, get cleaned up, and we will have a feast!" The activity that ensued was filled with the bustle of looking for the perfect food, wondering where the soap was kept, preventing Pythagoras from munching on the trilliums and such the like, with much hustlings and bustlings about the tree cave, which was surprisingly well furnished for a dwelling made solely of leaning- over branches and moss. But eventually everyone got settled and received directions to various secluded streams or waterfalls where each could bathe in private.

Xylia gently took Andie's hand and led her through the trees to an indigo lake, shining in the moonlight. "Have you extra clothes in your bag, Andrea?"
"Yes." Andie replied tiredly. After fighting the demons and walking for days on end, her entire body ached and her mind was like a squashed pea.
"The water of this lake cleanses all. When you feel ready, come back to where we first met and we will have dinner." And she strode away back through the ferns to figure out the feast.
Andie stood there on the rocky shore for several minutes, wondering if people in Majisk Jord minded naked humans in the lake. She was very dirty, and her clothes were ripped. There was a stinging gash on the back of her leg. With all the stuff to do she hadn't noticed until now. And it was best not to think of the things that impede you on a journey, but in the quiet, balmy evening every brush stood out. The conclusion she came to was: whatever. If a random person walks in on my bath, it's their own darn fault. She stripped and  waded in, shivering in the cold lake. Gritting her teeth, she dove under.
Under water is a beautiful place- wavy blue and deafeningly silent in the way that only water can be. the weight of the water above you makes it like swimming through a heavy blanket. Andie was enjoying herself thoroughly. The ache had left her muscles and the cuts quit their stinging. Finding the happiness that usually took her while swimming, she searched the bottom for cool rocks and brought them back up. When that activity had been exhausted she floated in her back and thought about her powers. She could make almost everything in nature to almost anything. So.... In a sudden burst of inspiration Andie made herself a water slide and giggled gleefully. Plunging back into the lake she constructed a bubble around her head and beheld the underwater world her. And suddenly she recalled a book she had read. Percy Jackson was the boy in the book who had powers over the sea. He had made a bubble just like this one to float he and his girlfriend up out of the deep. Admiring the moonlight distorted by the rippling surface of the lake, she made a conjecture. Perhaps every author had visited this place in some way shape or form, and that was where they got their ideas. In this magic earth, this Magisk Jord. I was a slightly comforting thought, that everyone had been here, and must have seen all different, beautiful, ridiculous things. Perhaps, she mused, for those on the first plane a tad of Majisk Jord remained in their consciousness, named the imagination. But here in the second plane, she could walk through and touch this huge imagination and anything was possible and... her bubble was running out of air. She swam to the warm night above her underwater paradise, refreshed by her alone time and bath. Getting out of the lake, she realized she didn't have a towel, but grinned when it dawned on her that she could just summon a warm wind. This method of drying off proved quite effective and soon she had dry clothes on and was skipping off to dinner, weariness gone. 

It had been a good feast, with fresh meat and fruits and veggies, a nice contrast from the days of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Lilly stared into the merrily crackling fire, her friends falling asleep around her. She pondered Xylia as questions floated around her brain, lazily bumping into each other in their sleepiness. Why did Xylia seem to be the only fairy in existence? How could she be queen without any people to rule? yawn What did she mean by being a rock for Andie? The struggle to come, of course, was purging Plante Traer (and hopefully all of Majusk Jord) of Ond and his demons. yaaaaawn. And sleep came to her.
When morning came there was no hurry to get moving again. Lilly got up as early as she normally did to find Xlylia sitting on the table eating handfuls of blueberries. "Good morning, little flower, did you sleep well?"
Lilly told her that she did, thank you, and began to look around in search of food other than blueberries, wich was presented to her upon request. Xylia and Lilly dined in silence until the faerie asked abruptly, " would you like to accompany me on my morning walk, Lilly flower?"
"Sure, but why do you walk when you could fly?"
The fairy queen looked sadder than ever. "I shall explain as we walk. It's easier that way."
So they trailed along at a slow pace, past blooming flowers and by trees with leaves of the brightest green, over a gently gurgling stream and under some low hanging boughs. It was then that Xylia began to speak. "Ond is a --" here the composed faerie queen said some very rude words.
Lilly blinked at the noble creature's choice of vulgar language.
"Your friend, Andrea's mother and I were the best of friends during her lifetime. The earthquake that released Ond and his demons was nothing to us. We failed to realize how close to the surface they had tunneled and how they were out and rampaging about. We paid dearly for our ignorance. Many of the peoples from our respective lands were dying and soon Ond began his rise to power. When Andie's mother died her gruesome death, I retreated into my own head and hid in misery. While I wasn't looking, Ond captured every last one of my people and jailed them. From what I gather, he intends to use their magic (and many other magical creatures) to take over all of Majisk Jord."
They were sitting in a mossy log, now, feet dangling in the lazy creek below. The fairy queen looked sideways at the girl named after a flower.
"But still," she persisted, "why don't you fly?"
Xylia was on her back, gazing at the sky. "Too sad," she replied "I see no point in flying without my kin to fly with me. Why should I be free in the air when my fellow fairies are stuck in cages? Only the birds could roam the sky freely with me, and they don't understand. Andy's mother, I would help her to fly when we visited. It was a simple spell. Andrea could learn it. I would cast it upon her to make her float and I would take her hand and we would soar through the skies.
"I have faith that Princess Andrea will do credit to her mother's name. Will you.. will you and she restore my people to me?- if they are not already dead."
Lilly said nothing. She had known this was coming. She peered down at the creek and the curious fishes coming up to investigate at her toes.
After a long science lilly spoke the words that Xylia wanted so badly to hear. "We'll take care of it."


Why is it that I'm reluctant to re-read all this?

Gwen

Sunday, March 8, 2015

In which Lilly and Andie discover a mysterious beach void of sand

Yesterday my family want down to Kamilchie and my dolls were very excited to explore.
Lilly is purple and Andie is black
"I can't wait until we get down there and can make sandcastles and play in the water and sunbathe!"
"Sunbathing is not good for your vinyl. And if you want to be down there so bad you should walk faster"

They made it down the path and took a seat on a concrete ledge.
"oh."
"sandcastles don't look like they're happening"
"It doesn't  even look like we can get to the water without getting stuck in the mud."

"Fine. we shall explore this strange phenomenon of a beach void of sand and discover buried treasure and such the like." Andie got up and took the stairs down to another ledge, this one covered in seaweed and barnacles, eroding from years of being beaten by the sea.

"There are actually little creatures living inside of those barnacles, they open when the tide comes in."
She broke one to reveal the orange goo of a once lining creature, causing Lilly to be torn between saying "oooh" and "eeeww"

Here is one that is not broken for you.


They walked a little farther.

And Andie found a muscle.

And as she reached down for it her tank top began to glow evilly. hehehe

"That must be why they're called muscles." she muttered as she tried and failed to pick up the muscle that wouldn't budge

"Im gonna go find some cool rocks."
"I saw some white shells- I must investigate- this beach is full of strange occurrences!"




"Gwen Gwen look at this!"
{this picture is awesome courtesy Google+'s auto awesome or something like that. It chooses one picture from every shoot and edits it. I don't know how it works. It is very odd indeed. I can't decide if it's cool or scary.}

"See? the shells are normally purple on the inside but this one is white!"

It was indeed. very unusual. We hypothesized that the shell had been bleached by the sun and the salt water.

She then found a pile of slimy mud that collects water from the tide. 

It was very slippery.

And from atop the the pile of hard, slippery mud, she stumbled upon a small cave in the concrete wall.

"yes!" she exclaimed excitedly, "I shall delve into this cave and find chests of treasure and ferocious  sea dragons and innumerable secrets of the sea!"
{I regret to inform you that Puget Sound is not home to sea dragons or pirate treasure}

Meanwhile...
Lilly was searching for crabs hiding under rocks.

"There! I see one! awww it scuttled away."

Her mission to hold a crab, however small, had failed, and she rejoined Andie at the wall to do some team exploring.



"What's around the corner, I wonder?"
"Pirate ships and octopuses' gardens and the end of the rainbow, of course"

It was just a bulkhead.

But beyond that ...

"It's a cave! I can feel my indiana jones side kicking in! I must enter and find a lost arc.. or something like that." She waved her hand dissmissively.
{her tank top seems to be glowing again. I wonder what it's up to...}

Lilly waited patiently for her sister to finish poking around.

Outside the cave they saw some seaweed that was actually green, not brown and began to make up wild stories about it.
"careful not to touch it- green seaweed causes hallucinations, spontaneous combustion, and the detachment of the third toe on the right foot!"
Andie very casually and deliberately put her hand on the plant.
"Oh no I touched it!" she yelled.
"That's really too bad, Andie, for as I recall, the green seaweed of Kamelchie Point is known to make you-" she laid a dramatic emphasis on the word- "explode"

"Explode?!?!??!" Andie jerked up

"Yes. I fear you haven't  much time to live my dear."

Andie gasped, ripping her hand away from the seaweed.

She staggered backward, grabbing for the third toe on her right foot

and fell writhing into a heap on the ground.
"pop" she whispered. And lay still.

"was that you exploding?"
"Yes. Ive never been a very extravagant exploder" came Andie's voice from her place on the ground.

Luckily Andie recovered quickly from the explosion and they proceded to climb a low wall next to the bulkhead to see if they could get up onto it.

Good thing shoes provide excellent protection against green seaweed.


"oof"

"that was too much work"

"How fare you, sister?"

"Im fine."


"Oof"

"All right I'm up. Where do we go from here?" Lilly said upon rejoining her sister.

Andie said nothing.
"What?"

Then she saw what.

"oh"

"What are we gonna do?"
Andie bagan to pace.

She analyzed what is from now on referred to The Steps Of Despair

"Easy," she said after a while. "We'll hop from here on the green seaweed  up to the brown seaweed. Avoiding, of course, all the cracks of doom."

doom

blurry doom

slide to your doom

dark skinny doom

pointy doom

"That's a lot of doom!"

'Let's go"

"Oh no! I'm sliding to my premature demise!"

"Please don't. You're scaring me and you already exploded once today."

"Right. sorry"
The rest of the journey to the top was uneventful, joking or otherwise.


"We made it."
"That was fun. should we do it again?"
"NO"
"Ok, ok. We should go get some food then."
"YES"


What to you like to do at the beach?
Gwen